


Only You

by cathRN26



Series: Only [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Keith and James are married, Keith calls James "Jamie" as a petname/nickname bc I THINK IT'S CUTE OK, M/M, Trans Male Character, as they should be, kind of???, trans james
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 20:41:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21944899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cathRN26/pseuds/cathRN26
Summary: “I’m tired,” he said, so quiet that it was barely audible.A kiss, but it was dampened by the mask covering his lips.  It was left in his hair.  “I’m sorry, Jamie.  At least you’re alive; that’s what matters, right?”“This isn’t living,” he muttered.  “It’ssurviving.”
Relationships: James Griffin & Keith (Voltron), James Griffin/Keith (Voltron)
Series: Only [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1580098
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Only You

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas! This is my little contribution to the Jeith fandom bc I love them and they deserve to be together :)

_August 10, 2116_

James stood at the edge of the stream in awe. He knelt and reached out his hand to bat at the rushing water, sending glittering droplets through the air and back into the stream.

He felt his hands over the grass, grabbing it by the handfuls and getting dirt underneath his fingernails.

Slowly, he took a deep breath and inhaled the fresh forest air. It went through his nose and into his lungs, and he could smell the crisp scent of pine.

With a laugh, he looked at his reflection in the water. The image was shaky with the movement of the stream, but he could see well enough.

His hair was messy and tangled, not having been washed in over a week. His eyes were heavy with dark bags underneath, and yet, he didn’t feel the least bit tired after being surrounded by nature, which rejuvenated him as soon as he stepped foot in the grass. His cheekbones were a little more visible than usual and his features softer, but that wasn’t too concerning. He was tanner than usual, with faint freckles dusted over his cheeks and the skin of his nose peeling slightly from sunburn.

He was freezing. He was filthy. He was exhausted. But in the end, none of it really mattered.

As he sat messing with his hair, a looming figure approached from behind. It came closer and closer, prowling towards James while he was distracted with his own reflection.

Then, it struck. It wrapped its arms around his unsuspecting form, restraining his mobility and capturing him in a warm embrace.

“Ah! Keith!” James shrieked, falling into a fit of laughter. “You asshole! You almost knocked me into the water!”

“Should’ve been paying attention,” Keith said with a shrug. He pressed a soft kiss to James’ neck before standing and tugging on the hood of James’ jacket. “Come on, Jamie, we have to set up camp before sundown.”

James pouted. “Five more minutes?”

“What, why?” Keith asked, snorting. “Are you too busy admiring your own reflection?”

“Maybe.”

Keith chuckled and shook his head. “Alright, Jamie. Just don’t fall in love with it. You’re married, remember?”

With a roll of his eyes, James scoffed sarcastically. “Ugh, don’t remind me.”

“Hey! You were the one who said ‘yes’.”

“You were the one who asked!”

“Because you told me to,” Keith reminded. He flicked at James’ forehead before turning around and walking away from the stream. “I’ll be unloading our stuff from the car. Let me know when you’re ready to go.”

James sat in silence, staring at his reflection in the clear water below. A smile broke out on his face.

He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this _alive_. After everything he’d been through – _they’d_ been through – they could finally be free. Out here, there was nothing to stop them.

Well, there was one thing.

All too soon, James stood up to join Keith in carrying their supplies. They left their car in the parking lot of the long-abandoned camp grounds and marched deeper into the woods.

It didn’t take long to find a spot to set up their camp. The small clearing they chose was well-hidden from the roads and had some sturdy trees they could use for cover. It was a short walk from the stream that ran through the forest, meaning they had quick access to any water or fish.

Upon finding the clearing, James immediately dumped their things on the ground and went to unpack the tent they had brought. With much anticipation, he shook the contents of the bag onto the forest floor while Keith looked on with surprise.

“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” Keith asked. He tilted his head to the side, watching from a distance as James sorted through the scattered parts of the unassembled tent. It was quite amusing to watch him fumble with the various poles and materials.

“Not exactly,” James admitted, “but I’ve got the instructions right here.” He held up the instructional booklet and waved it in the air for Keith to see. “I’ll be fine. Go get the firewood so we can make dinner.”

Keith clicked his tongue. “Bossy,” he noted, but James could clearly hear the smile in his voice.

James flipped through the manual, skimming over the instructions as he heard Keith’s footsteps crunching over the leaves, gradually growing softer as he went further away. He started by separating the poles and figuring out which went where before slotting them together to assemble the frame.

It was all too easy to get lost in his work. The task was simple, but enjoyably so, and he was grateful for the opportunity to do something other than laze around, waiting for Keith to come home from work.

His hands ran on autopilot as his mind drifted elsewhere, reminiscing about a time when he couldn’t even venture outside their apartment, couldn’t get too close to the window, couldn’t touch anything without wearing a pair of protective gloves.

A painful cough erupted from his mouth, leaving a burn in his throat and stealing away his breath. He spat on the ground near him, wincing when he noticed the speckles of blood in his saliva.

James busied himself with his work, ignoring the feeling of dread that sat in his stomach. He knew it would happen. Keith knew it would happen. It was only a matter of when.

Still, he preferred this over being locked in a prison of blinding white and plastic.

* * *

_August 10, 2114_

Their glasses clinked together as they prepared for a toast, the starry sky above being reflected in the wine that filled them.

“Happy anniversary, Jamie,” Keith said. Though his smile was small and subtle, James could tell that he was filled to the brim with joy.

James returned his smile tenfold. “Happy anniversary, Keith.”

In unison, they raised the glasses to their lips, and each took a sip of the deep red wine they held. James swirled the remnants around in his glass, his eyes flitting between the whirlpool of wine and his lovely husband seated across from him.

Keith gently set his glass on the table, right beside his empty dinner plate. “Good call on celebrating our first anniversary at home. I definitely prefer your cooking over some overpriced meal from a fancy restaurant. Bet yours tastes better, too.”

“Thanks, I’m glad you liked it,” James said. His hand slowly inched across the table to rest on Keith’s, and when they touched, he made a move to lock their fingers together. “I enjoy cooking, anyways. I thought it’d feel more special if I _made_ something for our anniversary, you know?”

With a deep laugh, Keith gave his hand a squeeze. “I _do_ feel pretty special.” He leaned closer, his purple gaze locked onto James’ face. “So, is there anything planned for desert?”

James’ eyes widened. “Oh yeah, I almost forgot!” He began to stand from his seat, placing his soiled napkin onto the plate as he prepared to run to the kitchen. “I made a red velvet cheesecake! It’s chilling in the fridge right now; I’ll just go –”

He yelped in surprise as he was pulled forward by his wrist, landing straight onto Keith’s lap. Keith smirked and wrapped an arm around James’ waist, his other moving to brush the hair from his eyes.

“That’s not what I meant,” he said in a low voice, his hand caressing James’ gradually reddening face.

“Oh.” James let out a breathy laugh, leaning closer so that their foreheads rested against each other and the tips of their noses brushed. His hands went to cradle the back of Keith’s neck. “I didn’t prepare anything, but…”

Their lips met in a tender kiss, moving languidly against each other as they lost themselves in the moment. James pressed forward, his body flush against Keith, his arms wrapping around Keith’s neck and his hands tangling themselves in his hair. In turn, Keith pulled him closer, carefully holding his waist and balancing his body on his lap. They were like two puzzle pieces perfectly slotted together, moving as if they shared a single mind.

Keith’s teeth grazed James’ bottom lip, his tongue lightly prodding for entry, which James willing gave. The kiss gradually deepened, their tongues dancing together and their mouths melding as one. Slowly, Keith moved his lips to the corner of James’ mouth, leaving a trail of kisses down his jaw until he came to press them to his neck. James gasped softly, twirling the tail ends of Keith’s hair between his fingers while his husband marked his skin.

“Woah,” James whispered, his eyes fluttering open and focusing curiously on something in the distance as he tried to pull away from Keith’s hold.

“Hm?” Keith hummed against James’ neck, feeling the slight tug on his hair. He hesitantly leaned back to face James, a tiny pout on his lips. “Come on, Jamie, we didn’t even get to the good part yet.”

James rolled his eyes. “I wasn’t referring to _you_. I was referring to _that_.”

He gestured behind Keith’s head at the sky, the latter shifting his gaze to see a bright comet falling through the dark expanse of the galaxy. It was shockingly close, much too large to be mistaken for a shooting star and nearly trumping the moon in its light. A glittering tail of white, gold, and blue streaked behind it.

“Holy shit.” Keith’s eyes widened at the sight of the comet. “That – It’s beautiful.”

“There wasn’t supposed to be a comet sighting tonight,” James noted. He leaned in to nudge his nose into Keith’s cheek. “Do you think it’s a good omen for our marriage?”

Keith laughed. “Oh, definitely. Not every couple gets a comet on their one-year anniversary.” He left a quick peck on James’ nose. “I love you, Jamie.”

“I love you, too, Keith.”

* * *

James walked briskly through the halls of the hospital, fastening a warm sweater over his navy-blue scrubs as he left for his lunch break. The air in the hospital was chilly and he was exhausted from the rush of patients that were coming at a constant flow for the past couple of weeks, so his brief little escape from the medical ward was well appreciated.

As he approached the front desk, his lips pulled into a grin when he spotted Keith waiting for him. He was leaning against the wall, one hand scrolling through his phone and the other tucked into the pocket of his jeans. His eyes glanced up and met with James’, and he put away his phone to greet him with a warm smile and a kiss.

“Ready to go? I heard Vrepit Sal’s is serving meatloaf as a new menu item and that it’s _really_ good.”

“That sounds great and all, but can we just eat lunch in the food court today?” James sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “My break is cut short. I have to be back here in fifteen minutes.”

Keith’s eyebrows knit together in confusion. “Fifteen minutes? Can they do that? Is that even legal?”

“I don’t know, but the hospital is really crowded and we’re severely understaffed,” James explained. “Just this week, I’ve had to miss five of my short breaks and I skipped lunch yesterday.” He tapped his impatiently, his lips pulled into a frown. “I also haven’t gone to the bathroom since I left this morning. I really need to pee.”

“Hey, are you okay?” Keith asked. He raised a hand to caress his cheek. It was a small gesture, but it was the most comfort he had felt all day. “You seem really stressed. Maybe you could take a short vacation?”

James shook his head. “I’m fine, it’s just a little more work than I’m used to. Besides, I can’t abandon my coworkers like that.”

They joined hands and made their way to the food court in silence, but after dealing with so many needy patients, the quiet was surely welcomed. James leaned onto Keith’s shoulder as they walked, holding onto his arm for balance and briefly resting his eyes. Once they arrived, Keith went to order some fast food for them while James made a quick trip to the bathroom before meeting up and eating together.

“So,” Keith began, “what’s with all the sudden patients?”

James shrugged. “Some new outbreak. A bunch of women have been coming in with similar symptoms: headaches, bloody noses, seizures – a lot of them have started coughing or throwing up blood, too.” He took a huge bite out his burger, still overwhelmed from the stress of his increased workload.

“That… it sounds serious. Anyone know the cause of it?”

“Not yet.”

“Hm.” Keith sipped on his soda, trying to make sense of the situation. “Well, how long do they expect you to keep this up?”

“I don’t know, but I have a feeling that it’s going to be a while before things calm down.”

He scoffed. “They must be working on a vaccine or something, right? You can’t work like this forever, James. You’ve been coming home half-dead for the past week.”

A hand grabbed his own, giving it a comforting squeeze, but James’ faltering voice gave away his own unease. “I know that, Keith. But right now, everyone’s a little high strung and there are people in need of my help. Until we figure out what’s happening, I –”

His phone buzzed from the table and James rushed to pick it up. Keith watched with his arms crossed over his chest, his eyebrows furrowing as he noticed James’ expression changing to one of defeat.

“I’m so sorry, Keith,” James said. He rose from his seat and quickly gathered his things. “One of my patients is in critical condition right now. I have to go before –”

“It’s fine,” Keith said, cutting him off. He tried to hide the disappointment in his voice. “Go save your patient. I’ll see you when you come home tonight.”

James breathed a sigh of relief. “You’re the best! Love you.” He left a quick kiss on Keith’s cheek before running back to work.

Keith frowned, staring coldly at the tray of half-eaten food that was left behind. When he took the day off from work, he had expected a nice, relaxing lunch date with his husband, not ten minutes of watching him stress out.

He slumped in his chair, munching angrily on a French fry as he mentally cursed the universe.

* * *

“ _This new disease outbreak is infecting millions of women around the globe. In the U.S. alone, over two million women have been hospitalized within the past two months, with nearly 400,000 casualties._ ”

James hugged his knees to his chest, his eyes glued to the television and his ears holding on to every word that left the male news reporter’s mouth. He furrowed his eyebrows, a trembling hand holding onto the TV remote.

Beside him, Keith was gripping his coffee so tightly that he thought the mug might shatter. He was gritting his teeth, and for a moment, James thought he might shatter those, too.

“ _Researchers have linked the cause of the disease to be the mysterious sighting of a comet that passed near Earth just days before the first reported cases. According to their studies, they found traces of microscopic cosmic dust left from the comet, which carries the deadly virus responsible for this worldwide pandemic._

“ _After further observations, doctors have concluded that only women are affected by the virus. Although men can be carriers, the virus appears to have no effect on them. Scientists are working hard to study male test subjects who carry the disease, hoping to reverse engineer a cure to this devastating epidemic._

 _“The primary symptoms of the disease include seizures, migraines, and coughing up blood. If you or any women you know are experiencing these symptoms, please report immediately to your closest medical facility for treatment –_ ”

Keith snatched the remote from James’ hand, turning off the TV before chucking the remote onto the hard floor. He buried his face in his hands, groaning in frustration.

Tentatively, James set a hand on his shoulder. “Keith…”

“What the fuck are we going to do?” His voice was surprisingly weak. “You’re – You were born –”

“I _know_ that.” James scooted towards him until their hips were touching, and he wrapped his arms around him in what he hoped was a comforting embrace. “Look, I’m scared, too, but it’s only been two months. They’ll figure out a cure eventually; we just have to wait out the worst of it.”

A sniffle. “I just – I don’t want to lose you.”

“What, do you think I _want_ to die?” James asked jokingly, although perhaps it wasn’t the best time for jokes. He heard a choked sob come from his husband and quickly muttered an apology. “Keith, whatever this virus is, it’s not going to rid of me so easily. You tried to get rid of me for years and look what happened. You ended up _marrying_ me.”

“Shut up,” Keith muttered with a weak laugh. “I just keep you around because of your pretty face.”

“My point is, we’ll get through this _together_ , just like we always have, okay?”

Keith slowly peaked at him through his fingers, dragging his hands down his face and wiping his nose along the way. “Promise?”

“Promise.”

* * *

When James came home from work, he did not expect to be greeted with a wall of plastic blocking the doorway.

It was airtight, sealed at the edges of the doorframe and floor with a zipper running down the center. The plastic was clear and slightly morphed the image of the room on the other side of it, but James could still make out the image of the apartment.

He unzipped the plastic, stepped through, and made sure to zip it back up afterwards only to be greeted by another plastic gate blocking the entrance from the hall to the living room. A small sticky note hung from the plastic and James gently plucked it off.

“ _Make sure to use the disinfectant spray before you come in._ _♡_ ”

James scoffed, pulling down the respirator from his face. “Keith…”

Despite his grumbling, James complied with the note, shrugging off his jacket and shoes before grabbing the bottle of disinfectant spray and dousing his entire body in it. When he was sure he had covered every inch of himself, he finally unzipped the plastic and entered their apartment.

“Welcome home!” Keith greeted from the kitchen. He stood at the stove, mixing something in a pot while wearing a pair of bright blue gloves. “How was work?”

“Uh, the same as usual. Maybe a little busier.”

James looked around the room with wide eyes. Every single piece of furniture was covered in plastic. The couch, the chairs, the tables – even the lamps had a layer of plastic on them. The windows were sealed with plastic as well, and James noticed that Keith had put up new curtains that were much thicker than the sheer ones they originally had. As he scanned the room, he noticed that the doorways to the other rooms also had plastic walls blocking them, the zippers keeping them sealed.

He shifted his gaze to where Keith was cooking something and was surprised to find a mountain of canned foods stacked on their kitchen counter. As he came closer, he found that they contained a variety of nonperishables. He found an empty can in the trash, which he assumed was what Keith was making.

“So, what’s with all the plastic?” James asked, curiously reading the nutrition label for green beans. “And the cans?

“Well, I’ve been doing some reading lately –”

“Huh, that’s a first.”

Keith gently kicked his leg. “– and according to some new studies, this is supposed to cut down on risk of you getting infected. So, I took the day off and spent the whole morning and afternoon setting this up. We’ll sterilize everything, use gloves and plastic to make everything easier to clean, and like you said before, we’ll just wait out the worst of it.”

James smiled. “How thoughtful of you. But that still doesn’t explain the canned food.”

“It’s already been sealed, so it’s safer than fresh food that’s been left out in the open. Figured we could stock up.” He lifted the spoon he was using to stir from the pot and held it out to James. “Wanna try? It’s canned ravioli.”

“Wow, fancy,” he said, leaning forward to taste. “Not bad.”

“Really?”

“It’s not restaurant quality, but I could eat this for a few weeks.” James took a step closer, a sly grin on his face. “Do you want a taste?”

Before their lips could meet, the loud sound of a ringtone filled the room and they both jumped. James reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, his eyes lighting up when he saw who was calling.

“Oh! It’s my mom,” he said excitedly. He was just about to answer her call when Keith snatched the phone from his hands and ran over to the other end of the counter. “Wha – Hey! Keith, give it back!”

“One second!” Keith yelled, using a disinfectant wipe to clean the phone and dropping it into a Ziploc bag before returning it to James.

Confused, James stared at the now plastic-protected phone in his hands. “Keith, I love you and I mean this in the nicest way possible, but what the actual fuck?”

“It’s safer,” Keith said with a shrug. With his gloved hands, he gestured for James to answer his mom before it went to voicemail.

James rolled his eyes and brought the phone to his ears, walking towards the living room to sit down. He winced at the sound of plastic crinkling underneath him. “Hello? Mamá?”

From the other end of the line, his mother’s voice could be heard. “ _James! Just calling to check up on you. How are you doing? Are you doing well?_ ”

“Yes, I’m fine, Mamá.”

“ _Oh, and Keith! How’s he?_ ”

He laughed at his mother’s enthusiasm. “He’s fine, too – We’re both doing well.”

“ _That’s nice to hear. With all the chaos surrounding this crazy disease and all, I got worried… Is your relationship doing okay?_ ”

“Hm? What do you mean?” he asked. “Why wouldn’t it?”

“ _I thought you both might be under a lot of stress. It’s a lot to adjust and adapt to, so I was concerned that your relationship might be a little… strained. Unless that’s not the case?_ ”

James nervously chuckled. “No, no, that’s not it at all. Keith’s been working really hard to make sure I’m safe and we’re both taking safety precautions to reduce risk. I think we’re going to get through this just fine.”

“ _That’s great, mijo. Keith’s a good man. I can tell he really cares about you. And he’s so handsome, too!_ ”

He could feel the heat rushing to his face and for once, he was glad that his mom wasn’t physically there. “Yeah, I know, I got really lucky with him.”

“ _Well, I shouldn’t keep you too long. You two stay safe. And don’t forget to call or text me once in a while!_ ”

“I won’t, Mamá. Love you, and you stay safe, too!”

“ _Of course. Love you, mijo._ ”

* * *

The call came while he was at work.

James was in between patients, taking a five-minute breather when he got a phone call from Ryan. He frowned when he read the caller ID; Ryan never called while he was working, he always texted. It must have been something important.

He pulled down the doctor’s mask he wore and brought the phone to his ear, still sealed away in plastic. “Hey, Kinkade, what’s up?”

“It’s Rizavi,” Ryan said. “She’s infected. We’re on our way to the hospital now.”

“Wait, what? Kinkade, how did –”

Ryan hung up on him.

Waiting was like torture. As he ran back and forth tending to his current patients, he counted down every minute until his friends arrived. Exactly seven minutes passed before they came through the door, Ryan and Ina practically dragging Nadia into the emergency room.

James didn’t care that he had other patients to worry about. He ran down to join his friends as Nadia was wheeled away to be treated, or at least given their attempt of treatment.

“How did this happen?” he asked. “Did she not show any symptoms, or –?”

“She didn’t tell anyone,” Ina said. She wore a respirator mask over her face as she spoke. “Based on her current status, I’d say that she’s been infected for around two to three weeks, minimum.”

“Idiot!” James hissed. “Why didn’t she tell anyone?”

“Many reasons. Doubt. Confusion. Fear.”

Ryan gripped his shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze. “All we can do is wait and hope for the best.”

It took one hour for the three of them to be allowed to see Nadia.

It took five minutes for them to spew their final words to each other in a jumbled mess of sobs and hugs.

It took a single moment for Nadia’s heart to stop.

When she was officially pronounced dead, James felt like the room was spinning. He stumbled back with tears in his eyes, Ryan’s arms catching him before he could knock anything over. Ryan sniffled quietly to himself, his grip on James shaky and weak. Ina was knelt beside the hospital bed, her arms on the edge and her chin rested on top. She still wore her respirator and her eyes were staring off at nothing, devoid of any life or emotion. Although she was silent, a glistening stream of tears ran down her face.

It took Nadia’s death to make them realize the severity of what was happening.

* * *

Three weeks. It had been three weeks since James quit his job at the hospital.

At first, he missed the days where he tended to people in need. He loved helping others, he loved feeling useful, and he loved knowing that what he did was making a difference in people’s lives.

But the longer he thought about it, the more he realized that he had long ceased to be doing what he loved. Ever since the disease broke out, all his patients were girls and women at various stages of infection, and each one of them eventually died in the hospital bed where James visited them each day. He wasn’t helping anyone recover. He was watching their slow demise play out while telling them the same lie over and over again: “You’ll get better soon.”

Now, his days were spent cooped up in his and Keith’s shared apartment, waiting for his husband to return home from work.

He was busying himself with cleaning the dishes when Keith entered the apartment. He heard him activating the new chemical spray they installed in the hallway entrance before he undid the zipper and entered the kitchen.

“Hey, Keith,” James said. His voice was muffled from the doctor’s mask he wore. “How was work?”

“Boring,” he muttered, dropping off his things on the couch before joining James at the sink. He gently nudged him to the side with his elbow. “Here, Jamie, I’ll take care of the dishes. You go relax.”

 _That’s all I’ve been doing all day_ , James thought, but he kept it to himself as he took a seat on the couch. He furrowed his eyebrows and bit his lip, picking up his phone and scrolling through the recent messages he had.

**_SURVIVORS OF THE APOCALYPSE_ ** _550 online_

_Rainy0912: My sister just got diagnosed this morning. We won’t stop fighting though!!!_

_ann33may: all power to you girl!!!_

_45veena: Hang in there bby!_

_Starlukan: we'll make it through this_

_Pen125dr:_ _♡♡♡_

James smiled. If he was going to be locked up in the apartment twenty-four-seven, at least he could talk to other people who were suffering the same thing.

“What are you doing?”

He quickly switched apps on his phone, pretending to be playing a game instead of reading through the messages from the chat he joined. “Nothing important,” he lied. “Sit with me?”

Keith sat down next to him, flashing him a strange look. It wasn’t necessarily incriminating or suspicious – rather, he looked more confused and curious – but James didn’t want to take the risk with telling him the truth.

“TV?” Keith asked. He reached out to hold James’ hand and they laced their fingers together. Both of them wore gloves.

James smiled. “Sure.”

When they turned on the television, they were met with an advertisement for a new research project: The Embryo Project. With so many women dying from the comet’s disease, they needed a new way to reproduce, or else humankind would go extinct. The Embryo Project proposed a solution. An alternative method. It promised a brighter future and hope for humanity.

All it asked for were volunteers to donate their eggs in an attempt to continue the next generation. With this, they could create life without a female host and repopulate the planet.

As the advertisement played, James watched with interest while Keith scowled. They had seen the same commercial dozens of times within the past few weeks. With the death count from the disease steadily increasing, the Embryo Project has been pushing harder for volunteers.

The advertisement came to an end and the two of them fell into an uncomfortable silence. James shifted awkwardly, giving Keith’s hand a small squeeze as a silly sitcom began to play afterwards. Both of them pretended to pay attention, but it was clear that their minds were focused on something else.

“You know,” James began quietly, “I’ve been thinking of donating.” He turned to Keith with a nervous laugh. “It’s not like I’m going to use mine, right?”

When he saw Keith’s face, he knew he made a mistake. He looked as if someone had shot him in the throat.

“Are you insane?” he asked, his eyes burning with such anger that they seemed to be made of purple fire. “Haven’t you seen all the horror stories? The articles? They might say they’re ‘for humanity’ and all, but their practices are inhumane and unethical. No one that goes in, comes out.”

“Keith, I think you’re overreacting a bit.”

“No, I’m not! I’m not a fucking idiot; I’ve done my research and it’s true. The evidence is _all there_. They say that they’ll just take the eggs, but they’ll keep you there and cut you up for their scientific studies. They might care about their little project working, but they don’t give a shit about the people who volunteer.”

James shut his mouth and pulled back his hand, crossing his arms against his chest with an aggravated huff.

It was like a switch was flipped, the fire was extinguished, and Keith’s eyes went wide with panic and regret. He gently reached out, his trembling hand resting on James’ shoulder with a feather-like touch. James flinched at the contact and he retracted his hand with defeat. “Jamie…”

“It was just a suggestion.”

“I’m sorry,” Keith whispered. “I just – I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

As stubborn as always, James refused to meet his gaze, focusing his eyes on the television screen. Carefully, Keith scooted closer to him until their sides nearly pressed against one another.

“You’re the reason why I did all this to our apartment,” he said, gesturing around the room at the plastic that covered the furniture. “You’re why I spent so much time making sure it’s clean, why I put up with eating the same food every day – You’re the reason I do anything, so I can come home and see you, safe and sound.”

He noticed James’ eyes flick towards him only to immediately look away, but he took the risk to soothingly rub his arm. When he didn’t move away from him, Keith trailed his hand down to hold onto his and trace hearts onto his skin.

“I’m just scared,” he admitted. “I’m scared I’ll lose you, like my mom, my dad, Shiro –”

James’ head whipped towards him and their eyes locked together, a battle of blazing violet and steel blue. Keith’s were pleading, begging – they held something so sincere and vulnerable while James’ were overflowing with shock and realization.

With a deep breath, Keith grabbed James’ hand in both of his, bringing it to his chest, his heart. “Please don’t leave me. I love you so much, James, and I don’t know what I’d do without you. Please…”

He didn’t even notice that he had started crying until he felt James wipe away his tears with his thumb, a soft smile on his face as he did so. “I’m right here, Keith,” he said. “I’m not gonna leave you.”

The statement brought a sense of security to him, and he smiled as James leaned forward to rest his forehead against his, allowing him the opportunity to admire every inch of his face in close detail. He saw how his cold blue eyes somehow held the warmth of the sun. He saw how faint freckles dusted over his rosy cheeks and nose. He saw how his lips were a soft pink and glossy with lip balm, perfectly molded to fit against his. He saw how his eyes fluttered closed, his long lashes catching the light, and he gradually began to lean forward –

Keith moved back with gasp, holding out a hand to block the kiss that James had attempted. James looked up at him with confusion, his face growing slightly red as he realized what had happened.

“I thought –” he stuttered, pulling away from Keith once again, hugging his arms. “The moment just seemed –”

“It’s dangerous,” Keith said quietly. “You might get sick.”

James forced a laugh and smile. “Y-Yeah. We shouldn’t risk it.”

“Yeah,” he said, and he was sure that James could hear the disappointment in his voice, “we shouldn’t.”

* * *

 _Click_.

James sat by the window, his head leaning against the plastic-covered frame while he took photos through the sealed glass. He held the camera as close to the plastic as possible, but nothing he did could fix the distortion from it.

 _Click_.

On the railing of their balcony was a pair of pigeons, leisurely walking back and forth on the metal while James watched longingly. He wished he could go outside. He wished he could fly away. He wished he could see the world.

 _Click_.

The pigeons took flight and were gone. James sighed, staring after them as he thought about the last time he even breathed in air that hadn’t already been filtered.

While he was busy taking pictures of the sky, he heard the lock to their apartment open. Keith was home.

James counted the seconds before his husband would walk into the room. It took six seconds to unzip the seal, step through, and rezip it closed. It took five seconds to take off his shoes. It took three seconds to remove and hang up his jacket. It took fifteen seconds for the chemical spray to run its course. It took eight seconds for him to finally walk down the hall, unzip the second zipper, and step into the apartment.

“Hey, Jamie,” Keith said over his shoulder as he closed the zipper to the entrance.

 _Click_.

“Hey, Keith.” He angled his camera towards one of the nearby buildings.

 _Click_.

“Woah, what are you doing?”

It took four seconds for Keith to stride across the room to James and snatch the camera from his hands, one hand holding it out of reach and the other dragging him away from the window and to the couch. He shoved James onto the cushions and frantically ran over to close the curtains, not leaving a single inch of the window exposed.

James could only blink in shock, his mouth hanging open. “What was that for?”

“You shouldn’t get too close to the windows,” Keith warned. “Someone might see you.”

“It’s not like I’m a wanted fugitive. I’m your husband,” he said with a snort. “Why does it matter?”

“There have been cases of kidnappings. All women,” Keith explained. He shuddered as he walked away from the window, occasionally glancing back as if someone might jump out from behind it. “The Embryo Project has started offering a ton of money for any female volunteers, so there’s a big trafficking ring going on now.” Keith frowned, and it seemed like he was hit with a slight wave of nausea. “It’s like bounty hunting, but with innocent people. It makes me sick.”

James felt his skin crawl. “Well, I’m sure you’ll stop them eventually. The police aren’t going to just let that happen, right?”

“You’d be surprised,” Keith said. “Half the police department agrees with me. They see it as it really is: illegal, inhumane, just morally _wrong_.” His eyes flared up with anger, his teeth gritting together. “The other half thinks we should let it slide, that it’s for the greater good. Sick fucking bastards.”

“That’s terrible,” James said. His blood ran cold from the thought of helpless people being given up against their will all because of human greed. “But… why does this mean I have to avoid being seen?”

Keith stared at him like the reason should’ve been obvious. “Because… someone might find out…”

James rolled his eyes. “Keith, no one’s going to be able to tell. I look like a man. I sound like a man. I _am_ a man.” He paused, hesitating. “Quit treating me like I’m not,” he added softly.

There was an awkward tension in the room. James looked up to see Keith timidly fiddling with the camera in his hands, watching him with a shy gaze.

“I just want you to be careful,” he muttered, slowing joining him at the couch and handing him his camera.

With a sigh, James took it, and flipped through the photos that he captured that day. He stopped on a photo of the pair of pigeons, flying off towards the sun. “I know.”

* * *

**_SURVIVORS OF THE APOCALYPSE_ ** _329 online_

_Canterwald234: went outside for the first time in months today_ 😊

_jkas89ss: OMG how??? are you ok???_

_marscuties: Wow that’s amazing!!!_

_Starlukan: congrats babe_

_ann33may: lucky!! i miss feeling the sunlight ;w;_

_Canterwald234: had to wear a protective suit and all but it was still nice to leave the_

_house for once_

_Gryphon811: Wish that were me_ 😔 _My husband won’t even let me near the window_

_anymore_

_415galatica: ^^^ feel that, mine bolted ours shut with metal sheets_ ☹

_Ironheart77: Aw hang in there! It’ll be better soon_

* * *

James narrowed his eyes at Keith, cold and calculating as he attempted to predict his moves. From across the table, Keith stared back just as intensely, and although the doctor’s mask he wore hid the lower half of his face, he was sure that his lips were pulled into a menacing snarl.

With quick movements, James placed a queen and jack on top of one of the two kings that sat on the table’s surface. As he pulled more cards from his own deck, he found an ace to play on top of the second king.

But he was too slow. Keith slid an ace of his own underneath, giving him a cheeky look. James scoffed. The bastard.

They continued to play different cards, racing to get rid of their dwindling deck. Soon, James had only four in his hand, Keith with five, and they were caught at an impasse, unable to play any of their cards. In unison, they placed their gloved hands on the side cards and flipped them over.

A jack and a nine.

James grinned from underneath his mask, slamming a queen on the jack and a ten, nine, and eight beside them. “Speed,” he said.

Keith chuckled, setting down his cards and accepting his defeat. “Congrats, Jamie, you got me.” He pulled his mask down around his neck and blew a kiss across the table as a reward, and James gladly played along by catching it and bringing it to his lips.

It was a silly little gesture, but when their physical intimacy was limited, they would take anything they could get. They couldn’t remember the last time they had simply cuddled on the couch, spent a lazy morning together in each other’s arms, or shared a kiss on the lips.

As they reached across the table to lace their fingers together, James wondered what it would be like to hold hands without the feeling of protective gloves in between. He wanted to feel the warm of Keith’s skin, to feel the callouses on his hands, to feel _him_ , and he knew Keith was thinking the same.

But they had long since given up on that.

* * *

**_SURVIVORS OF THE APOCALYPSE_ ** _261 online_

_marscuties: Hope everyone is doing well!! Stay safe_ _♡_

_ann33may: so many people gone ;w;_

_kitwit64: we’ll get through this together!!!_

_Gryphon811: Just gotta stay strong and keep fighting, no matter what_

_415galatica: preach_

As James laid in bed, scrolling through his phone, Keith came out of the bathroom after his shower. He toweled his hair dry, then went through the usual precautions of putting on his mask and gloves before joining James on the bed, a tentative hand on his waist.

“What are you doing?” he asked, playing mindlessly with the hem of James’ shirt.

James angled the screen of his phone away from him. “Just reading,” he said. He heard Keith sigh as his breathing evened out, and he guessed that he was tired after work and was slowly dozing off. He felt Keith’s hand resting on his stomach and his head against his clothed arm, and he found himself smiling at the touch.

It had been so long since they allowed themselves to simply relax and exist together in the same space. Ever since the disease broke out, it seemed they were constantly stressed and on edge, so much that it had seeped into their time together. They couldn’t touch without the worry of transmitting germs. They couldn’t risk getting fresh food because it might have been contaminated. They rarely even slept in the same room anymore because they were afraid of what might happen unconsciously during the night, and the few times that they did sleep together, they were on opposite ends of the bed with a wall of pillows in between.

They remained in the same position for an hour before Keith began to stir, shifting slightly and instinctively pulling James closer by the waist. James continued typing away on his phone, talking casually with the other people in the chat room. Keith was still a little groggy, he’d probably fall back asleep soon anyways.

When he looked down to check on Keith and found him staring at his phone screen in panic, he realized he made a mistake.

“Who are you talking to?” he asked warily. He sat up, his grip on James’ waist tightening. There was fear in his eyes and a waver in his voice that James almost didn’t catch.

James swallowed. “It’s not a big deal,” he said, avoiding the question.

“What do you mean it’s not a big deal? It’s a huge deal!” Keith cradled James face in his hands, his violet eyes staring at him intently. James winced at the feeling of the latex on his cheeks, but he bit his tongue and kept quiet. “I told you about all the kidnappings, the hunters –”

“How is chatting with a bunch of strangers on the internet going to get me in trouble?” James yelled. His voice was strained and shaky. “There’s over a hundred people in that chat and _none_ of us share our real names. How is _anyone_ going to find me?”

“I don’t fucking know!” Keith snapped. “They could track your phone or IP address or _something_! There’s plenty of people that could find you if they wanted. I just want you to stay safe and not end up in some science lab, being strapped to a table and cut up and experimented on. Maybe you don’t care about your safety, but I do, so stop doing dumb shit to put yourself at risk!”

James froze. “Get out,” he whispered.

Silence. Keith gradually calmed down, but James continued to glare at him with teary eyes.

“ _Get out_ ,” James repeated, and he shoved Keith so hard that he nearly fell off the edge of the bed.

Keith reached out for him. “Wait, Jamie –”

“Don’t ‘Jamie’ me!” he screamed, and it was like the dam that had been holding for months had finally broken. “Do you think this is easy? Staying in our apartment every fucking day for who knows how long? Having to quit my dream job, not being able to see or talk to anyone in person other than you? I’m _sick_ of being trapped in here and I’m _sick_ of you trying to control every little thing I do! I know you think it’s for the best, that it’s to keep me safe, but _I don’t give a fuck_! I want to live the way I want, not how you want me to!”

He took a deep breath and pinched his nose, letting out a frustrated sigh. Keith watched him with caution, as if he were made of glass, like he could break any moment.

“Jamie…” he whispered softly. “James, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to –”

“Just –” James began. He fell back against the pillows and buried his face in his hands. “I need some time alone.”

He wasn’t sure how long he stayed like that, but when he finally looked around the room, Keith was gone. It was just him. Alone. Like always.

This wasn’t what he wanted.

* * *

Four days had passed and neither of them had spoken a word to each other.

Ever since their argument, there was a constant tension hanging over them. It was a weight on both their shoulders, it thickened the air and made it hard to breathe, it haunted them with anxiety. They both hated it, and yet both were too scared to try and mend the chasm between them. They didn’t want to stumble, to fall in, to let themselves be consumed by this beast that was tearing them apart.

They went about their lives with minimal contact. They’d prepare and eat their meals in silence. There would be no greetings when Keith came home from work. They sat on opposite sides of the couch. They slept in separate rooms. It was like they were barely even acquaintances, much less spouses.

James worried about the state of their marriage. He knew the entire comet situation would take a toll on them, but he had always thought that their love would be strong enough to get them through it.

Maybe that was the problem. Maybe their love was _too_ strong.

Keith loved him too much to let go. But his safety and his happiness were mutually exclusive; he couldn’t have both. Keith had chosen the former, but he couldn’t help but want the latter.

On the coffee table, James noticed his phone buzzing. It was a call from an unknown number. He stared at the caller ID suspiciously, wondering if he should answer or let it go to voicemail.

He looked over at Keith, who was cleaning up after dinner. He had gathered all the dishes and were bringing them over to the sink, not paying any mind to what James was doing.

James picked up his phone, slid his finger across the screen, and brought it to his ear. “Hello?” he said timidly.

There was shifting on the other end of the line, as if the caller was hesitating to answer. “ _James_ ,” they eventually spoke, their voice cold, distant, and yet as fragile as glass.

He felt a wave of chills run up his spine as he recognized the voice. “Father,” he answered stiffly. He hadn’t spoken to his father since graduating high school. He hadn’t planned on speaking to him ever again. “Why are you calling me?”

“ _You’re my son_ ,” he said, though it sounded like a statement rather than a response.

“You didn’t think that ten years ago.”

James knew that his father must be fuming on the other end of the line, and the thought warmed his heart, even just a smidge. After a slight pause to recollect himself, he finally spoke again. “ _I need to tell you something. Something important._ ”

“Okay? Then just say it.”

“ _It’s not that simple._ ”

“It doesn’t matter. If you’re going to tell me anyways, might as well just come out and say it.”

There was a scoff before he continued. “ _Your…_ ” he began. He sounded pained. Sad. A sigh echoed through the phone. “ _Your mother is dead_.”

James felt like the floor was collapsing beneath him. “No,” he said. “No, you’re lying. She would’ve told me if she got sick.”

“ _She didn’t want to worry you_.”

That sounded like his mom. Of course, she would put his feelings in front of her own, she wouldn’t want to worry her only son. She was always like that.

“She – She can’t be,” James muttered, his voice trembling. “She can’t.”

“ _I’m sorry, James_ ,” his father said softly, and for once, it sounded like he was genuine. “ _We’ll be holding a funeral service for her. I can pay for your flight and hotel, if you’re willing to come. I’ll even cover the expenses for your…_ husband _, as well_.” James could hear the disgust in his father’s voice when he spoke that one particular word.

“I can’t,” he said. “It’s too risky, I might –”

“ _I understand_ ,” his father cut off. “ _I’ll be live streaming the service for you, your grandmother… other family._ ”

James sniffled. “Okay, thanks.”

He sat clutching his phone for dear life, waiting for his father to admit that it was just a twisted prank, that his mother was still alive, that she was completely healthy. But the longer he sat listening to the static on the other end of the line, the more the truth finally set in.

“ _James?_ ” his father called, and he almost forgot that they hadn’t hung up yet.

“Yes, father?”

There was a moment of hesitation. “ _I love you. Take care._ ”

He didn’t have the chance to say it back before his father ended the call, though he wasn’t sure that he would’ve anyway.

A choked sob escaped his lips as he allowed his phone to fall to the floor with a _thud_. He brought his hands to his face, covering his mouth as an onslaught of tears ran down his cheeks and tremors racked his body.

“Jamie?”

Keith had paused in washing the dishes when he heard the phone drop to check on his husband. When he saw what was happening, he immediately left the sink to run to his aid, wrapping his arms around him in what he hoped would be a comforting embrace.

“M-My mom,” James sobbed, leaning against Keith for support. He grabbed his arms, burying his face in his neck as he cried. “She – She’s –”

“It’s okay, Jamie,” Keith said quietly. He didn’t need James to finish his sentence to understand what had happened. A few stray tears streamed down his own face as he ran his hands through James’ hair. “I’m so, so sorry.”

James hugged Keith as if his life depended on it, as if Keith was his lifeline, the only thing keeping him in the world. “I want my mamá,” he whispered. “I want this nightmare to end.”

“I know, Jamie. I know.”

They sat in the same position for hours. Keith continued to stroke James’ hair, his hands bare of any gloves. He gently thumbed away James’ tears and he pressed kisses to his forehead, relishing in the warmth of his skin on his lips. James clung to him, breathing in the scent of his shampoo and clothes, his face pressed into the crook of Keith’s neck as his cries died down to sobs and then to sniffles.

For once, they didn’t care about the risks or the dangers. They simply cared about each other.

* * *

**_SURVIVORS OF THE APOCALYPSE_ ** _112 online_

_415galatica: guess what day it is ladies_

_kitwit64: ?????????_

_sakerule120: Saturday?_

_415galactica: i mean that too i guess_

_Gryphon811: One year since the comet_

_Jjhong09: :O !!!_

James set down his phone as he prepared to hop in the shower. Keith was working late tonight and likely wouldn’t get home until after midnight, so he decided it was a good time to take a nice, hot shower and try to relax. Afterwards, he could fix up a quick meal and wait for his husband to get home, and maybe they could enjoy a movie together.

Maybe they’d even get to cuddle on the couch, like old times. Afterall, it was their anniversary. They could make an exception for one night.

When he stepped out of the shower, he quickly threw on some sweatpants and a t-shirt before his typical mask and gloves. He spared a glance at his phone before shoving it in his pocket and making his way to the kitchen.

What he didn’t expect to find was a candle-lit dinner set up for him. The lights were dimmed and rose petals were spread over the floor leading from the bedroom to the table, which had a white tablecloth spread over it. A bowl of SpaghettiOs was waiting for him, the letters arranged to say, “ _Happy Anniversary, Jamie_ ” and “ _I love you_ ”.

James snorted at the sight, his heart soaring with joy. Suddenly, he felt way too underdressed for the occasion. He sensed someone approaching him from behind and laughed.

“What happened to working late tonight?” he asked.

“I might have lied about that.”

“ _Might_ have?”

He felt a kiss to his hair and turned around to see his husband standing in a red button-up and dark slacks, his doctor’s mask hanging from his neck and his gloved hands holding a bottle of wine. “Surprise,” Keith said, handing the bottle to James with a grin.

James took it and stared at it with wide eyes. “What happened to only drinking filtered water?”

“The bottle is from a few years ago, so it should be clean.”

He smiled. “Great.”

Keith pulled out James’ chair for him and they sat down to enjoy their anniversary dinner, acting as if none of the drama with the comet had even happened. They ignored the fact that everything in the apartment was covered in protective plastic, that everything had been sterilized, that the air was filtered, and the windows blocked out. They pretended like nothing was wrong, nothing was ever wrong, and it never would be.

Together, they just popped open the bottle and poured out the contents, and soon, they found themselves at the bottom of the bottle, savoring the last drops before they finally considered it empty.

After downing half a bottle of wine, James was more than a little tipsy, scooting his chair over until it was flush with Keith’s, and practically draping himself over his husband. He had a flirty smile on his lips and lust in his eyes as he traced his gloved finger over Keith’s cheekbones, his nose, his jaw –

Keith could feel his own rationality escaping him, the effects of the alcohol beginning to overmine his sense of logic. He stood from his seat and carried James over to the couch where they found themselves in a tight embrace, laughing and running their hands through each other’s hair and over their bodies.

Their noses pressed together, and Keith was met with bright blue-gray, glittering under the dim lighting with flecks of gold. He stared into James’ eyes, full of want and desire and Keith wanted to badly to give in and let their lips touch when he leaned in –

But instead, he found himself ducking to bury his face in James’ neck, pressing a kiss to his skin rather than his lips.

He felt a tug on his hair, and he pulled back to meet James’ eyes, the light in them extinguished, empty, and replaced with melancholy. “Keith… can’t we…?”

“You know we can’t,” Keith said, his voice cracking.

James sighed, his fist bunching up the fabric of Keith’s shirt while he rested his head on his shoulder. “I guess I just miss you,” he said with a bitter laugh.

“I’m right here, Jamie.”

“Yeah,” he agreed sarcastically, “you are. But I can’t touch you. Not without something constantly in between.” He suddenly sat up, untangling himself from Keith’s arms and twisting his body to face him. “I’m just tired of living like this,” he said, frustration slipping into his voice as he spoke. The pent-up anger was finally coming out. “Aren’t you? How long do you think we can last like this? We’re not living, we’re just delaying the inevitable. We’re like caged animals awaiting our doom. What’s the _point_ anymore, if we can’t even have the things that make us happy?”

“The _point_ is that you’ll still be alive,” Keith pointed out. “It’s either this or death, James. Is that what you want?”

“Of course, I don’t _want_ that!” James snapped. “But we don’t have a choice! I’m going to die someday, you’re going to die someday – We can’t control how or when it happens, so why not just live life to the fullest? Because right now, we’re living in a shell.

“I want to be able to eat something that didn’t come out of a can. I want to breathe fresh air that hasn’t been filtered to hell and back and sprayed with a gallon of disinfectant. I want to touch you – my _husband_ – without having to wear this stupid mask, these stupid gloves – Fuck, I want to touch you without having to wear _clothes_! We’ve been married for two years and we haven’t even properly kissed in _months_.

“Keith, _I miss you_! I want you to kiss me. I want you to hug me. I want you to _fuck_ me. At this point, I just want you to touch me with your bare hands. Give me something, anything, _is that so much to ask_?”

James’ hands curled into fists in his lap, his eyes bloodshot and threatening to spill tears. His face was flushed red, not just from the alcohol. In front of him, Keith was at a loss for words, staring with his mouth hung open as he searched for the right thing to say.

When James stood up from the couch with a scoff, he knew he was too late. “Happy fucking anniversary, Kogane,” he said, wiping away his tears as he marched to the bedroom. 

Keith winced at the use of his last name. James hadn’t called him that since high school, back when they still hated each other. He occasionally brought it out in a teasing manner, but he never used it with such venom behind it. It was a bullet to the heart.

“Fuck,” muttered, rubbing his temples.

* * *

**_SURVIVORS OF THE APOCALYPSE_ ** _43 online_

_Gryphon811: I think my marriage is falling apart_

_Gryphon811: Fuck, I don’t know what to do_

_sakerule120:_ ☹

_Muse03Light: DROP HIM!!!_

_Muse03Light: if he’s not willing to be there for you he doesn’t deserve you_ 😤

_415galatica: you don’t need them boo_

_Gryphon811: That’s the problem though_

_Gryphon811: I think he cares too much, he’s too afraid to let me do anything_

_Muse03Light: oh_ 😰

_kitwit64: :/_

* * *

He was mindlessly watching the TV when Keith came home.

Six seconds to unzip the seal, step through, and rezip it closed. Five seconds to take off his shoes. Three seconds to remove and hang up his jacket. Fifteen seconds for the chemical spray to run its course. Eight seconds for him to finally walk down the hall, unzip the second zipper, and step into the apartment.

It was the same each day. It was routine. It was expected.

What wasn’t expected was the box that was planted in front of him on the coffee table, nearly knocking his phone off the edge.

James scrambled to catch it from falling and flashed Keith a dirty look. “What the fuck, Keith? Be more careful next time.”

He didn’t say anything, he just sat down beside James and pushed the box closer with a small smile.

“What is it?” James asked, eying the box with confusion. His eyes locked onto a familiar logo and his throat went dry. “‘The Embryo Project’? I thought you hated them?”

“I do,” Keith said, “but this is just a tester kit.”

“Tester kit?”

Keith nodded, rubbing his hands together nervously. “It’s to test if people are infected.”

James’ eyes went wide. “Why would you buy that? You don’t think – Could I be –”

“It’s not for you,” Keith clarified with an awkward laugh. “It’s for me.”

“… You?”

“Yeah, I thought…” He rubbed the back of his neck as he fumbled for the words to say. His cheeks were rosy, his expression seemed strangely timid, his movements uncertain. “I thought I could take it to see if I’m a carrier for the disease. If I am, then it is what it is. If not, then maybe we could… do something?”

James felt his heart flutter. He tried to keep his hopes down, but he couldn’t help the thought of him and Keith finally being able to be together without worry. “Really? You mean it?”

“I mean, yeah. I miss being able to just… feel you.” Keith brushed James’ hair fringe from his face with a gloved hand, tucking the hair behind his ear. “I want things to be like how they used to be.”

“I want that, too.” James looked down at the box, excitement in his chest and fear in his stomach. He licked his lips and gave Keith a smile. “Open it.”

Keith smiled back and grabbed the box, carrying it to the kitchen. James followed closely behind and watched with vigilance as Keith carefully opened the box and removed the contents, spreading them over the countertop. There were a pair of latex gloves, a sealed cotton swab, a small tube of a clear liquid, and a small set of instructions. Keith quickly scanned over the instructions before handing them to James to read over.

“Okay, first step is to do a cheek swap,” he said, opening the seal and swiping the end across the inside of his mouth. “Then, I just put this in the tube and wait.”

Both of them watched as Keith opened the tube and dropped the swab into the liquid, holding their breath as they awaited the results.

James looked down at the instructions. “Indigo means infected, clear means you’re clean. It should take at least three minutes to change, if it does.”

They stared at the tube impatiently, waiting to see if it would change color or not and hoping that it wouldn’t. Keith bit his lip, his eyebrows furrowing while he waited. James tapped his foot on the ground, turning the instructions over and over in his hands.

“Did you really mean what you said?” James asked, breaking the silence. “That things could really go back to how they were?”

Keith tore his eyes away from the tube, which sat on the table still clear as crystal. “Of course, I meant it. I really miss you. I want us to be together – for _real­_ – again.”

“If you’re clean,” James began, “what would be the first thing you did?”

“I don’t know. Probably tackle you with a kiss.”

James laughed, breathless. “And then?”

Keith chuckled and leaned across the counter, catching on to James’ little game. “Then I’d run my hands all over your body – Probably under your clothes, _definitely_ over your ass.”

“Gloves?”

“Oh, fuck no.”

“Good,” James said. “ _Then?_ ”

“I’d pick you up and carry you to the bed,” Keith said, both him and James leaning close enough that their foreheads touched, and they could feel each other’s breath on their lips. “Then I’d fuck you into the sheets so hard you’ll _scream_.”

The way James smiled after he said that should have been illegal. It was so blindingly bright, beautiful – and it was after Keith talked about _wrecking_ him.

“Protection?” he asked with a bold grin, and Keith had never wanted so badly to kiss that smirk off of his face.

“ _Yes_ , because we’re not savages.”

“Pft, coward.”

“ _Jamie._ ”

“ _Keith._ ”

They stood still, their eyes locked together with the same look of longing. They were so close that all it would take was for one of them to just tilt their head up, and their lips would touch.

“ _Shit_ ,” Keith suddenly hissed, and the façade was broken.

His eyes were no longer on James. They were locked on the tube of indigo that sat on the countertop.

James felt the world crashing around him. He began hyperventilating, the air in his lungs was no good, he felt faint, he couldn’t feel the ground below him –

“Jamie?” Keith called, cradling his face in his hands. “I – I’m so sorry, I thought –”

“It’s not your fault,” he said with a choked sob. “It’s – It’s just – I really wanted –”

“I know, I did, too.”

James stumbled back hugging his arms to himself as he curled up on the floor. “It’s not your fault,” he repeated, his voice turning into a cries rather than his normal speech. “It’s… It’s mine. _It’s all my fault_.”

Keith stared incredulously at him. “What? No, it’s not – It’s not anybody’s fault.” He knelt down in front of him, his hands on his shoulders. “James, it’s not your fault.”

“Yes, it is,” he whimpered.

The words tumbled out of his mouth frantically with no signs of stopping. He wasn’t thinking clearly, he couldn’t filter what he said – Everything he had ever thought was coming out in a jumbled mess.

“If I had just… If I was just born in the right body, _none_ of this would be a problem. We wouldn’t be dealing with all of this. You wouldn’t have to put up with me, suffer because of me – We wouldn’t be able to save the world but at least we would have each other.”

“James, shut the fuck up!” Keith yelled, shaking him gently. “You can’t control how you were born, but you can control who you are now. And who you are is the strongest, kindest, most handsome and amazing man I’ve ever met. I don’t care who you used to be, because you’ve changed, and you’ve grown, and you’ve become someone _extraordinary_. I know it must really fucking _suck_ to have to deal with this because of an identity that doesn’t represent you – that _never_ represented you – but you have to understand that _it’s not your fault_! It’s _nobody’s_ fault!” He took a deep breath and stared at James such _love_ and _sincerity_ that it almost made him forget there was anything wrong. “So please, Jamie, don’t blame yourself,” he pleaded quietly. “Please.”

“I just…” James said in a small voice, his eyes still full of tears and his nose dripping. “It’s so _unfair_.”

“I know.”

“I didn’t ask for this.”

“I know.”

James shook his head, his eyes finding the floor. “ _Why me?_ ”

“ _I don’t know, Jamie. I don’t know._ ”

* * *

He stared at the window. The glass was covered with metal, blocking the image of whatever was behind the glass. He imagined what the world must look like outside: bright blue skies, fluffy white clouds, and a bustling city full of life.

Deep down, he knew it couldn’t be further from the truth.

James sighed and looked down at his phone.

**_SURVIVORS OF THE APOCALYPSE_ ** _14 online_

_Muse03Light: we’re all that’s left?_ 😥

_415galatica: i guess so_

_kitwit64:_ 😭 😭 😭

_Gryphon811: Things aren’t getting better. I don’t think they ever will._

He chucked it across the room, hearing it clatter loudly against the floor while he hugged his knees to the chest. He let his head drop against his knees as he accepted his fate: that he would live his entire life surrounded by the same white, plastic-covered walls until his eventual death.

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t cry anymore. He was numb to the feeling. The dread was constant, but now, there was a strange sense of tranquility. That soon, this would all be over. That he’d succumb to the disease and he’d be free.

He’d be with his mom. Rizavi. Leifsdottir. Veronica.

Footsteps. They were soft, padding against the floor with a light step. “Jamie,” Keith whispered, resting a hand on his shoulder. He rubbed circles into his skin as a soothing gesture.

“I’m tired,” he said, so quiet that it was barely audible.

A kiss, but it was dampened by the mask covering his lips. It was left in his hair. “I’m sorry, Jamie. At least you’re alive; that’s what matters, right?”

“This isn’t living,” he muttered. “It’s _surviving_.”

Silence.

How was Keith supposed to answer that?

* * *

James looked down at the phone in his hands, his fingers tracing over the cracked screen. He had waited for a week already, but no matter how long he waited, he knew it wouldn’t change how things were.

**_SURVIVORS OF THE APOCALYPSE_ ** _1 online_

He sighed, curling up on the couch, hugging the phone to his chest.

His last link to the outside world. His last piece of hope. Gone, just like everything else he once had.

Soon, he found himself crying for the first time in weeks. He cried until his throat burned and his vision was blurred so bad that he couldn’t tell where he was. He cried until his voice gave out and he couldn’t even make a sound anymore. He cried until tears would no longer fall and he eventually passed out on the couch, alone, just like he always was.

When Keith came home from work, he found his husband asleep on the couch, tears staining his face. He looked at the sight before him and felt a stab of pain in his heart.

James was safe. He was alive. He was healthy.

Isn’t this what he wanted?

Keith frowned, kneeling beside James’ sleeping figure.

No, this wasn’t what he wanted.

He didn’t want James to suffer. He didn’t want him to spend every day alone while he was at work, locked in their apartment with nothing to do but cry. He didn’t want him to get hurt, and yet he ended up being the one who hurt him most. He had turned his husband into his prisoner.

As he pressed a kiss to James’ nose, as he gathered his sleeping body in his arms, as he carried him to the bedroom to tuck him in the covers –

Keith finally realized what he had to do. It would break his heart, but if that was what it took to make James happy, how could he not?

* * *

James didn’t remember going to bed last night.

He woke up in his bedroom, the covers neatly wrapped around him. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he got out of bed, confused, startled –

The zipper to the bedroom was open. He mentally cursed to himself. Had he left it open when he went to sleep? He didn’t even remember going to the bedroom, so it was a likely possibility. He hoped that Keith wouldn’t be mad at him for the mistake.

James rushed over to the door to close the zipper, but scene in the living room made him stop right in his tracks.

Pots, pans, and silverware littered the floor. Blankets were laid out, cans of food were stacked, random camping equipment were scattered, and Keith sat in the very center of the chaos, trying to figure out the best way to pack everything.

“Uh, Keith?” he said, calling to him from the doorway.

Keith’s head whipped around to face him, his face forming a wide smile. “Jamie! You’re up!”

Before James could ask what was going on, his mouth was suddenly muffled with a kiss. 

He froze. Keith pressed his lips against his own, his bare hands touching the sides of his face and neck as he pulled him closer.

When the kiss broke, James stared at him in disbelief. “What – Keith –”

“I know it looks like a mess now, but I’ll figure it out by tonight, don’t worry.”

“That’s not –” James laughed nervously. “What’s going on? What are you doing?”

Keith blinked at him and tilted his head. “Uh, packing? I thought it was obvious.”

“Well, yeah, but why?”

“Because,” he began, taking James’ hands in his, and he relished in the feeling of his skin, “I realized I was wrong. That I made a mistake by trying to keep you locked up in here.”

James gasped. “What?” he asked, his voice faint.

“Being cooped up in the same place for the rest of your life – That’s not a life worth living. I know it’d drive me insane if I were in that position, so I should’ve expected the same for you.” He looked away sheepishly, wringing his hands together. “I’m sorry, James, I should’ve realized sooner.”

“It’s okay,” James said, bringing his hand up to touch Keith’s jaw, “I’m not mad. I’m – I’m really happy.”

Keith smiled and pressed another kiss to his lips. “I’m glad,” he said. “So, how about it? One last adventure, one final vacation – Just you and me and the great outdoors?”

“If I’m going to die anyways, I might as well die having the time of my life.”

With a laugh, James wrapped his arms around Keith’s shoulders, and they embraced each other, fully, _wholly_ , for the first time in months, and Keith lifted him from the ground and spun him around like a young couple in a cheesy romance movie. It was like a weight was lifted off of them, like they had finally come up for air after being forced underwater.

It was liberating.

“So,” James mumbled against Keith’s neck, “where are we going?”

“I don’t really know,” Keith said. “I was thinking we’d just start driving up north, somewhere with less people and more nature. Maybe a forest?”

“I’d like that a lot. I’ve missed the outdoors.” James pulled back to look Keith in the eyes, playfully blowing his bangs out of his face. “Although, I’d be fine with anything, as long as it’s with you.”

Keith laughed and rested his forehead on James’. “I love you, Jamie.”

For the first time in weeks, Keith saw James with a sincere smile, one without any underlying sadness, regret, or distress. It was just Jamie.

“I love you too, Keith.”

* * *

“Does the tent look a little lopsided to you?”

“Shut up! It looks fine.”

“No, seriously. I think it’s leaning a bit to the right.”

“Keith! You didn’t even help, so you can’t criticize my work.”

James punched him in the arm, not hard enough to hurt, but he pouted regardless. “Admit it, Jamie,” Keith teased, “you’re just mad because you wanted a reward kiss for a good job.”

He was met with a frown, and his suspicions were confirmed. “Well, are you going to kiss me or not?” James asked, a playful smile on his lips.

Keith rolled his eyes and complied to his wish, a deep laugh escaping as he felt James pull him closer by his jacket collar. In turn, Keith grabbed him by the hips, one hand trailing a little lower and giving James’ ass a gentle squeeze.

All too soon, Keith broke away, and he relished in the fact that James was still chasing after his lips when he did. “Come on, we have to prepare for dinner. You can start the fire, I’ll go hunt something.”

“You know how to do that?”

“My dad raised me in a cabin in the woods; of _course,_ I know how to fucking hunt.”

James pouted, his lower lip sticking out. “Okay, just bring back something good.”

“Yeah, yeah – Anything is bound to be better than canned spaghetti.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” James said with a shudder. “I never want to see another can in my life.”

Starting a fire was a lot easier than pitching a tent. He had a lighter and all the necessary tinder to keep it going, so he sat back and watched as the pile of wood and moss gradually set ablaze.

When Keith returned, he came back with a wild rabbit in his hands and tossed it towards James, who practically shrieked from surprise. Keith doubled over with laughter and it took a lot of apology kisses to get James to forgive him for throwing a dead animal at him (sometimes, James really questioned his sense of humor). While James offered to roast and season it, Keith skinned the rabbit and prepared it for them to cook.

“Ever tried rabbit before?” Keith asked while James turned it over the fire.

“No. What does it taste like?”

He thought for a moment before answering. “Kind of like chicken. A little stronger in flavor though. And meatier?”

It didn’t take long to finish roasting. By the time it was fully cooked, both Keith and James were drooling in their seats, and when they finally sunk their teeth into the food, it was like heaven.

“ _Oh my god_ ,” James said with a moan, and it almost sounded more like he was making love rather than eating. “I missed normal food so much.”

Keith had a similar reaction, if a bit tamer. “I know, I forgot fresh meat could taste this good.”

James scarfed down his food as if it was his final meal, even licking his fingers when it was all gone. It was so out of character for him that it almost made Keith drop his own food on the ground in shock.

He couldn’t blame him, though. The man had been eating the same canned food for almost two years. Anything else must have been a blessing.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” Keith said, running over to his bag. “I have a little surprise.”

James paused, removing the tip of his thumb from his mouth to answer. “A surprise? What for?”

Keith reached into his bag and produced a bottle of champagne with a flourish, a red bow tied neatly around the neck. “Happy three-year anniversary!” he said with a smile.

His jaw fell open. “I completely forgot. Keith, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Keith said with a smile, plopping down beside him. “I was kind of hoping you’d forget. Makes the surprise more – well – surprising.” He handed the bottle to James. “Want to do the honors?”

“If you’ll help me,” James said with a grin.

“Of course.”

James peeled away the foil and removed the wire. When Keith wrapped his arms around him to grab the bottle, he felt his heart pound the way it had on their wedding night. It was exhilarating, terrifying, and he wanted it to last forever.

Together, they angled the bottle away from the fire and popped off the cork, watching it fly across the field and land somewhere in the grass. They laughed as the champagne fizzed over their hands and spilt on the ground, but neither of them could find it in themselves to care.

“Do you have any glasses?” James asked.

“I was just planning to drink from the bottle.”

“That works,” James said, taking a swig from bottle before handing it off to Keith.

There was something oddly calming about taking turns drinking from a shared bottle of champagne in the middle of the woods, miles from any other people. It was strange, and yet it was the most normal thing that they had done in months, and it was warmly welcomed.

By the time they reached the bottom of the bottle, they were already stumbling towards the tent, clinging to each other with such desperation, such dependency, such desire that they nearly didn’t make it inside. Keith closed the zipper to the tent – both of them winced at the familiarity of the action and they wondered why they bothered with it at all – and practically threw James against the ground, shrugging off his jacket and immediately diving down to capture his lips.

James’ legs wrapped around his waist, and Keith slid his hand underneath his shirt and up the small of his back, the feeling of his skin on his fingertips being electrifying.

“Hurry the fuck up, Kogane,” James groaned against his lips, pulling on the front of his jeans impatiently.

Keith shuddered at the sound of his last name. The last time James had used it, he had been angry.

Now, he couldn’t possibly be further from it.

“Hang on a sec,” he muttered, his breath hot against his skin.

“I’ve been ‘hanging on’ for almost two years,” James whined. “Give me something, _please_.”

Keith awarded him with a slap to the ass. “You think I haven’t been waiting this whole time, too? Be patient.”

James rolled his eyes and puffed out his cheeks. “Fine,” he said, “you do things your way, I’ll do things mine.”

He sat up just enough to pull his shirt off his back and over his head, gasping at the cold air hitting his skin –

Before he could remove it, Keith grabbed the fabric as it bunched around his wrists and twisted it in his hands, effectively binding his wrists together. James attempted to break free, but Keith’s grip on it was too strong.

“What the fuck, Kei-”

He was silenced with a searing kiss. It pressed against his lips almost painfully, but he couldn’t help wanting more. Keith trailed his lips down to his jawline – he always thought James had the jawline of a _god_ – and sucked at the skin with such fervor that he was sure it would bruise. James moaned and responded beautifully from below him, still struggling to escape the makeshift bindings that bound him.

“K-Keith…” James stuttered. “I – I missed this.”

He hummed against his throat, his tongue running over the skin before coming back to meet him for a brief kiss. “I missed this, too,” Keith said softly. “I missed _you_.”

James felt the grip around his wrists loosen and he managed to slip free, bringing his hands up to cup Keith’s face. He smiled sadly, his eyes staring at Keith’s, and yet they were focused on something else. “I’m going to miss this, a lot,” he whispered, almost too quiet to hear. It was as if it was spoken to himself, like it wasn’t meant to be heard.

“We still have time,” Keith said. “Not a lot, but you’re still here, you’re still alive, and I _promise_ to make every remaining moment you have worth it.”

“That’s a tall order.”

“And I’m going to fill it.”

“Ok, but are you going to fill _me_ anytime soon, or…?”

“ _Jamie_.”

James laughed and Keith swore that this man would be the death of him if he didn’t die first. “Sorry, sorry,” he muttered, twirling the ends of Keith’s hair between his fingers. “I just – I really love you, Keith. I love you so, so much.”

Keith smiled, leaving a kiss on his forehead. “I love you, too, Jamie. You make me happier than I thought was possible – I just want to do the same for you.” He swallowed down his fears and regrets as he spoke. “I’m sorry it has to be like this. I wish… I wish we could’ve had a normal marriage, a normal life, but –”

“Don’t be sorry, Keith. It’s okay.” James traced the bridge of his nose, his jaw, his collarbone – when he made it to his chest, he traced a heart with his finger. “If risking my life is what it takes to be with you, I’ll do it over and over again."

He almost choked at the sentiment. “I love you, James,” he said, for what seemed like the millionth time, but there was nothing more truthful than those words in that very moment and all he wanted was to hear them echoed back to him.

“I love you, Keith,” James said, like an answer to his prayers, and the rest of the world fell away because it didn’t matter, it never truly did –

It ceased to exist, because James _was_ his world, he always had been, and he always would be.

**Author's Note:**

> So a little backstory as to where the idea for this came from: I got the chance to go to volunteer for a film festival and while I was volunteering, I got to see like an hour of the movie "Only" by Takashi Doscher, and I absolutely fell in love with the story, the writing, and the cinematography! I wanted to see the rest of it, but it turns out the movie isn't out and doesn't even have a set release date yet and since I only saw a chunk of the middle I have no idea how it ends :/
> 
> Anyways, this started as a silly little AU that I didn't even plan to do anything with, but now I've got 70 pages and almost 27,000 words of ideas and fic writing, as well as 2 more installments and a oneshot collection planned, so there's no stopping now. There will be more fluff, angst, and content to come! <3
> 
> (Also for anyone curious I used the S7 release date as their anniversary date)


End file.
